Sunday, November 2, 2008

Baby Daddy Tangents - NBPM Day 2

My place is so quiet today. I've been so productive with work and rearranging my apartment and unpacking boxes that have been sitting since July. I just need a few more hours of this serenity and I'm not sure when it will end. It doesn't come often, but when it does I'm almost immobilized with how much I want to do in the little time I have. Working usually takes a huge chunk of that time, but that's okay because the ex-husband took our son yesterday for daddy time. It's been a while since he took him with him and didn't just spend time with him here in my home. I don't get anything done when he's here visiting with the boy. Usually it means more work for me as I'm tripping over an extra person in the little space I do have. I admit that the last time he took his son was for 4 whole days. I read the whole Twilight series again including the newest book, instead of everything else I had to do. I chalked it up as 'me time' and didn't even turn on my television!

I do hate the aftermath of the days with daddy as it brings more tantrums and meltdowns, but I know the point is to have time with his father. I just don't like 'lying' that his daddy is at work all the time when he keeps asking. He's 2 1/2 and the day will come when I have to explain in detail why he has a 1/2 brother who lives far away with his mom, how daddy lives in grandma's home still, and we live in our home together. Actually, I did touch on this in simple terms when he was asking for his brother before leaving with his dad. I got a funny look and I swear I saw the gears creaking in his brain to figure it out.

I wish it was easier, but it is what it is. I should be grateful his dad is involved at all, right? There are single parents doing it completely alone with no financial or physical help at all, right? I just don't feel grateful for something that should be expected of the other parent, or a parent who swoops in as it suits them unpredictably. It just bugs me because there are dads who are more involved, so I don't understand how someone isn't. 'Working' just doesn't cut it for me as a reason to not be involved. Kids don't remember the money, they remember the fun and attention given to them. I guess eventually it all catches up to us, good and bad. Man I'm glad I'm the 'good one' now, until he's a teenager at least. LOL

...after writing the above, the ex showed up with our son. Sure enough, after he left all hell broke loose. Tantrums, hitting, crying, and the last straw was throwing things towards my computer...again. Off to bed he went with much crying and protest. He obviously didn't get a nap today...or was sugared up and crashing. He's sleeping now, but man it sucks for me to be the bad guy and the 'not fun one' when he gets home. *sighs*

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