Quite often I doubt my choice of working from home. I wonder if financially it's fair to be living in a way that fits our budget, and allows us some financial leeway, but isn't as nice as I'd like us to live. Ideally we'd be in a 2-bedroom, better furniture, better car, and nicer neighborhood. Right now we're comfortable, but everything seems...too small or too old or on the verge of just vanishing. We're fine the way we are for now, but would we be better off tightening the budget to have more space or a better car or daycare/preschool part time?
I'm completely thankful to have a job in this current economy, and to be a single mom working at home, but I wonder sometimes if it's what's best for Noah and I. Not having daycare to pay for is amazing, but then I wonder if maybe he'd like part time daycare/preschool and the structure and learning it provides. These are things I can't always focus on because I'm actually working and I have a schedule to which I'm tied once I commit to it. I love having a flexible schedule to plan things in advance with my child during the day, but I have to make enough to pay all the bills and survive. So I don't always get to spend the time I want with Noah doing educational things. I wonder if having an office job would be easier. I'd be done with work at 5p-ish, and only work 8 hour days instead of 10 or more. I wouldn't relish the commute in this winter weather though. I swear this one topic drives me crazy.
I start thinking about what happens when I need to get a new(er) car as mine gets older and Noah gets bigger. No parent should ever own a 2 door car unless your kids can get in alone and buckle themselves in! My poor back is killing me from getting Noah in our 2-door SUV, which barely holds anything in the cargo area and no split back seat! But it's paid off and maintenance has been minimal up to this point. Now I need break work, and it does weird things in the rain, like not starting. Then I start thinking about the cost of preschool and/or kindergarten, and then I think about how much a bigger apartment costs. Seriously, what did I do with all my money when I was kidless and how is it not all in the bank right now?!
I know I've sat down and done the breakdown for both options. I know finding a job in this market is ridiculous. I know, I know, but as I start to think about the future and expenses coming up, I get nervous. I feel conflicted on this every single day and wish there was an easy answer right now.
Ironically, a fellow blogger 'Hef' on Spewage had a similar post (including title!) about trying to merge working while with your child and getting things done without that defining line of work/school/home life.