Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Best Intentions

So I wanted to write about all these good things about how I came back from homelessness and divorce drama, but instead I find myself stressed out about too many things all at once. This time it's overwhelming stress, which is rare.

My car is at that point where I can either try to sell it and find something hopefully less mechanically jacked up, or I can throw more money into it and pray it keeps going without MORE expensive repairs. We're talking about $2k in repairs in the course of a month and they're required or the car will end up in the junkyard worth nothing. Broken brakes all the way around and now a timing belt that can't be ignored and will cause an engine failure if not done.

Also, my lease is coming up July 1 and my renewal lease should be coming soon for review. I found an apartment in my old 'burb that I know I'd like. It wouldn't kill me if I was car free, but would be a pain at times not to have that freedom. I'd for sure get back into shape from walking, but things are close by. I've also been looking by my mom's house. It'd be nice to be closer to her and helpful to know if I need her, she's there to help me when I'm struggling. Things like late night treks to the store when the kid is sick and I can't take him out in the cold and we really, really need medicine. BUT moving also depends on college acceptance letters! I've gotten one acceptance letter with financial aid reward sent. It means staying put or moving local (my old suburb). An acceptance to UIC or DePaul means moving closer to my mom. Both mean a bigger place to live because a one bedroom with a toddler isn't worth the money I save. Seriously. But the car repairs may also mean I stay put. UGH!!!!!

So THIS is what keeps me up at night. Financial drama that all hinges on each other and nothing can be done yet. *Sighs* Throw the ex making me totally annoyed with his stupidity and it's good times here. I just want peace. It won't get better until August. If I can wait that long.

Honestly, the thing that sucks the most is that the stress is leaking onto my son and he's acting out too. He BIT ME twice today because he got so angry he didn't know how to express himself. He got angry because I didn't do as he commanded. So he bit me. He's not a biter so I was totally thrown off by it and since it wasn't the best day at work, he was sent to the bedroom to be angry and cry, and I sat on the couch to be angry and cry. It's just one of those days where I kept thinking, "This is not what I signed up for. No one told me it's like this. I do not like parenthood right now." Yet, we still snuggled for storytime and threw kisses goodnight. We'll just try to make tomorrow a little bit better.

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