Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Give a Mile, Take an Inch

For the first time since my son was born, he's visiting his father for more than 24 hours. Seven days to be exact. Most my twitter and facebook followers have been watching my crazy unfold as I go through the paces of "Hooray!" to "WTF this sucks."

I had BIG plans for this week and so far it's not working out the way I saw it in my head. I did not anticipate the ex fighting with me over the visitation. So that was super fun to argue with him before he got our child and almost everyday after. Good times. Completely unnecessary if he wouldn't try to change the visitation on a whim without talking to me at all.

Again this summer, my ex's older son is here from out of state and he's playing super dad. Any other time of year it's a struggle to get him to follow the 1st and 3rd weekends in the divorce papers. Even then it's only Saturday night to Sunday night, not even bothering with the Friday night he's allowed/supposed to take. So exactly what gives my ex the right to tell me I can't talk to my son on the phone while he's at his dad's house? Just because the boy is distracted from all the fun, the ex can't be bothered to dial a phone to put to his ear? I almost lost it and drove to his house to get our child on Wednesday. Making me the bad guy in the process of course. Keeping me from my child means the mile I gave him with this week's visitation will go right back to the inch he takes the rest of the year. Our child is not a plaything & this week-long visitation was supposed to be 'in the best interest of the child' so we could all enjoy it. It's that fine line between being a raging momma & having a happy child that tears at me when the ex pulls this nonsense.

I just don't understand this mentality at all. The saddest part of all is that if he put more effort into seeing his son more often the rest of the year, I wouldn't care or be so concerned about calling. I'm keeping in touch with Noah not just because I miss him, but because as resiliant as he is it's not going to be easy to transition back to reality at mom's house. I get the aftermath and emotional freakouts when my child comes home. He won't even let me go get the mail after a trip to daddy's house. He said he thinks I'm going to stay away and/or leaving him forever. I'm glad Daddy's house is all fun and games w/gramma, aunties, cousins, and big brothers. How fortunate that Daddy has an army of people to help him since he lives at home. I'm glad a week with his child is a breeze. I hope he never has to know how hard it is to be in my shoes. But Mommy's house is like boot camp and Daddy's house is like a 24-hour day pass. Someone has to put boundaries and limits on the kid so he's not a little jerk as he gets older.

It obviously hurts a lot little when my child couldn't take 5 seconds to say I love you, or anything else for that manner. Oh wait, he did tell me off & remind me of his name when I called him my 'baby'! It's been a crappy week so far. It was supposed to be stress free and relaxing, but I miss my kid. I keep thinking he's sleeping in the bedroom. I miss the insanity and the chaos and the yelling to "stay out of the fridge! Close it! Now! All the way!" I miss my munchkin grabbing my hair and hugging my neck before we wake up just to snuggle. I could do without the instant chatter and shouting and jumping on me, but I'll take that right now too!

And so far my house is not yet clean, my laundry has not done itself, and my grocery shopping has yet to be completed. My school work and my seasonal organizing is all just waiting to be finished too. At least I managed to shove toys to the side of the living room so I can get to the computer to get to work. Does that count?

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