Sunday, September 27, 2009

Missed Connections Funny (

LOL to me as I consider the dating pool these days:

Monday, September 21, 2009

Birthdays, school, and moving

I'm going to be 37 on Saturday. I'm trying to plan something really awesome but it's not falling into place just yet because I waited until the last minute. Not surprising. I also have Noah this weekend. I just really want to see the P!nk concert on my bday this year but it's doubtful. Whatever.

I'm maintaining all A's in 3 of my 4 classes. Ironically it's the design class that is causing me problems. A lot of it is watching videos, which my computer hates, and I don't learn well at all from listening. I have to see and read the material or I get bored and my mind wanders. I can't just sit for the 15-30 minutes needed to watch all the videos. This week is finally creating stuff so I'm hoping my interest and grade improves. Um, that and the teacher called my house to see if I was okay so far. LOL Just the kick in the butt I needed actually. On a side note, F**K You to the State of IL for jacking up the state budget and causing a cut in my educational grants. If I had transferred this year, I would have owed a lot of money to continue my term and would have had to drop out. So thanks a lot you morons for making me revamp my budget because you suck at keeping yours.

Moving has me so stressed out I can't even think straight. I don't think I make enough to move to a bigger place according to MY 30% of income guidelines. Not only has the grant situation hurt me, but the child support has become a drama since the ex's job change and their stupidity in not taking it out. My lawyer is getting an email at this point. I'm just so worried that a variety of things are going to cause me disapointment in my search. I don't want to get my hopes up and fall in love with a place only not to get it. I have one that fits all my needs, and my tentative budget, but I have to go tour it. I need to stalk it a few times, weekends, and at night before I know for sure. Granted, if I do not find a place, it's not like I'm losing this one. Everything happens for a reason. I'm trying to remember that. I am grateful for what I have now. Two years ago it was way worse. Way, way worse. We don't HAVE to move, it's just a really, really good idea if we do. LOL Ok I feel a little better. And hey, at least I have A's this semester right?

Monday, September 14, 2009

Fundraising for Pancreatic Cancer - Saving my Mom

Today's news of the passing of Patrick Swayze from pancreatic cancer really hit home because my mom has pancreatic cancer, albeit the rare type called "Neuroendocrine" or "Islet Cell" which only affects 1.3% of those diagnosed.

The 'good' news is this type, unlike the majority of pancreatic cancers, is it generally progresses slowly. The bad news is that, like most, the cancer was found too late to cure and had already spread to her liver and lung, making it Stage IV. It is incurable and only a special chemotherapy at this point can keep the symptoms under control. The other good news: Her current chemo does not cause debilitating side effects. Which isn't to say there aren't side effects, as a huge chunk of her pancreas is gone from a necessary surgery to try to do damage control. In turn, this causes a diabetic reaction to occur and brings on a whole new set of concerns.

So today's news was like finding out about my mom all over again. Patrick Swayze was on the news with his diagnosis almost at the same time as my mom was diagnosed. Now he's dead. He had a lot of money to keep it at bay, but his was the more common type that's really aggressive. Honestly I try not to let that train of thought continue. It not knowing what's going to happen in the future that stresses me out.

So my request you, my small group of readers
, please sponsor me if you can in the Chicago Lustgarten Pancreatic Cancer walk in October.

Please pass this link on to anyone you know that would help by contributing to the research and cure of this cancer.

100% of every dollar donated to the Foundation goes directly to critically needed pancreatic cancer research. Please support me in the Walk, and help ensure that pancreatic cancer patients like my mom have a fighting chance.

Thank you!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

I Got Nothin'

Really, for real. I've got homework waiting is what I've got.

Well, there's a post somewhere about apartment hunting and the crazy that goes with that, and why I'm not keen on bringing my kid with me lest they pass judgement. It's just that a post like that makes me tired to think about let alone write.

Also, a rage against a Halloween store that is completely inappropriate considering they sell costumes to children, but again, that may take a while to write so it has to wait.

Everything will have to wait since I HAVE to get all A's this semester. No B's, no C's will work. Gotta get the GPA back up.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Promoting Handmade

My close friend Angela makes amazing bags/totes and is doing her first blog giveaway! Go check it out and leave a comment to win it!

If that's not your style, she has more fabulous stuff at her store (link on her blog). Seriously, if I had a little girl, she'd never have anything to sell since she does kids' clothing as well.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Cheating and Hunting

I completely threw the weight loss guidelines I had set up right out the window. A few good things happened and there was celebrating going on and end-of-summer BBQ's to attend. I'm back on track this week. Although, I'm pretty sure the cheesy nachos I just made don't count. Sshhh! I did gain back 2 pounds from the 5 I was down, but all the snacks have gone missing from my house again so I'm good.

I've finally narrowed my apartment hunt to two suburbs that are central to anywhere I may ever need to drive. Closer to some friends and a little further to others, but with major interstates to cut down on travel time. Or not, depending on construction. I may have to stay in a 1-bedroom until he starts school and I finish school, and that's just another two years. Then I can upgrade to a bigger place in the same town. The schools are excellent in both 'burbs, the rents reflect that, but it's better than paying for a crappy school district and gunshots at night. Still close to the Metra trains, hospitals, and parks as well. This time, no third floor walk ups!!! Although, if I was in the first floor apartment in my current building I'd be a wreck. So this time I need to put more thought into it. or at least have an elevator and a safer 'hood.

Otherwise, I'm gearing up for my mom's Pacreatic Cancer Walk benefit this weekend. I have a birthday in a few weeks in which I'm almost considered late 30's, rather than mid-30's. Plus school and work. The apartment hunting is the best part of all of this. I also realized that I somehow chose classes that don't require any exams at the actual school and very little paper writing. Finally, I may actually have an easy semester. Week 2 and I haven't fallen behind. :-D

Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Weight Thing

I've always had issues with my weight. It goes up and down over time but I've never been as stressed over it like I am now. I used to love almost all of my body and how it looked. My calves and I have a love/hate relationship. Now, I'm the heaviest I've ever been and I weigh the same now as right before I gave birth. I added the baby weight back on rather than losing it. I only blame myself for letting it get out of hand, but now I'm going to be accountable for losing it rather than hiding it and being embarrassed about my size. The weight-loss ticker to the left is going to keep me accountable and honest about my progress. I already had to add pounds before I got to take pounds off.

I come from a line of heavy people on my paternal side, and know the health issues that come with it. I'm at risk for Type II diabetes, genetically and due to my gestational diabetes which vanished (thankfully) after Noah was born. I have terrible eating habits because I'm not disciplined and it's easier to snack at a computer than to stop and eat a meal. I work at home and my classes are online, so I sit in front of a computer for 15+ hours a day if not more. My son thinks my treadmill is an indoor jungle gym. The one thing I can say positive is that I quit smoking in 2006, which is never a negative even if it added pounds!

The problem now is that my weight is causing me to change how I feel and act around people I know or just meet. I'm embarrassed to go see old friends who knew me when I was thinner. I constantly wonder if I'm dismissed as 'the fat chick'. I look in the mirror and I hate how round my face is and the smaller double chin (omg I just said that out loud). My belly looks a mess with a yucky flap business from carrying a kid. The only reason I don't really have wrinkles is that fat is less painful than botox for keeping them away. I don't feel good at all about any part of me. I have cute clothes in my current size (18/20 btw), but I'm not happy at all about how I look in them.

My average weight is around 145-ish, I was down to 125 (bad breakup) when I met my ex-husband, emotionally ate while I lived in AZ until I was 170 and thought that was the heaviest I'd get and had ever been. Then I got pregnant. I cried at 200, my 'max limit weight'. I got up to 235 but was at 208 after the baby. I haven't been under 200 since Noah was born. I'm ready to be back down to at least 150 max. I have a long way to go.

So this is my leap into better eating and then I'll try to add the exercise in slowly. I've failed before by trying to revamp my whole lifestyle and gave up when it was too much at once. Exercise is going to be the harder part of this whole thing. I am NOT a motivated person. I know what I should do, but putting it into action isn't my forte. So healthy eating first, and exercise once I've got a better diet down pat. Slow and steady is going to win this one.

Small changes I've made so far:
  • Replacing ice cream with sugar free yogurt when I need something sweet. This seriously knocked my caloric/fat intake down a LOT! I love ice cream.
  • Diet pop and sugar free flavored 'water'. I HATE plain water, hate it.
  • Eat breakfast! Usually Greek yogurt, my new love, with something else. I don't get as hungry during the day when I have breakfast.
  • Reducing meal portions by half and only eating a little when feel hungry. Just not overeating then feeling gross afterward.
  • Pour any snacks into a very small bowl so I don't overeat. Small bowls and plates are my new friend.
  • Realizing if I'm emotional/boredom eating or if I'm really hungry. (The hardest one to manage)
I've lost almost 5 pounds so far. I feel motivated. I know I can do this. I changed my diet almost overnight when I was gestating a child and our health was in jeopardy, and I've put those nutritional rules back in place. My health IS in jeopardy if I keep going this way! I do have to be careful because I don't have a gall bladder (past starvation dieting), and if I don't eat I end up with major gastric issues. This doesn't let me starve to lose the weight, which was always my go-to in the past to maintain things.

I am going to get back in my 'skinny-self' jeans. I won't be embarrassed to be in a swimsuit at the pool next year. I will have more energy to play with my child. I will be healthier to teach my child good eating habits. I won't hate my body anymore. So I'm putting it out there, and that ticker will be going down instead of up now that I know people will be watching! ;-)



You Might Also Like:

Related Posts with Thumbnails