Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Weight Thing

I've always had issues with my weight. It goes up and down over time but I've never been as stressed over it like I am now. I used to love almost all of my body and how it looked. My calves and I have a love/hate relationship. Now, I'm the heaviest I've ever been and I weigh the same now as right before I gave birth. I added the baby weight back on rather than losing it. I only blame myself for letting it get out of hand, but now I'm going to be accountable for losing it rather than hiding it and being embarrassed about my size. The weight-loss ticker to the left is going to keep me accountable and honest about my progress. I already had to add pounds before I got to take pounds off.

I come from a line of heavy people on my paternal side, and know the health issues that come with it. I'm at risk for Type II diabetes, genetically and due to my gestational diabetes which vanished (thankfully) after Noah was born. I have terrible eating habits because I'm not disciplined and it's easier to snack at a computer than to stop and eat a meal. I work at home and my classes are online, so I sit in front of a computer for 15+ hours a day if not more. My son thinks my treadmill is an indoor jungle gym. The one thing I can say positive is that I quit smoking in 2006, which is never a negative even if it added pounds!

The problem now is that my weight is causing me to change how I feel and act around people I know or just meet. I'm embarrassed to go see old friends who knew me when I was thinner. I constantly wonder if I'm dismissed as 'the fat chick'. I look in the mirror and I hate how round my face is and the smaller double chin (omg I just said that out loud). My belly looks a mess with a yucky flap business from carrying a kid. The only reason I don't really have wrinkles is that fat is less painful than botox for keeping them away. I don't feel good at all about any part of me. I have cute clothes in my current size (18/20 btw), but I'm not happy at all about how I look in them.

My average weight is around 145-ish, I was down to 125 (bad breakup) when I met my ex-husband, emotionally ate while I lived in AZ until I was 170 and thought that was the heaviest I'd get and had ever been. Then I got pregnant. I cried at 200, my 'max limit weight'. I got up to 235 but was at 208 after the baby. I haven't been under 200 since Noah was born. I'm ready to be back down to at least 150 max. I have a long way to go.

So this is my leap into better eating and then I'll try to add the exercise in slowly. I've failed before by trying to revamp my whole lifestyle and gave up when it was too much at once. Exercise is going to be the harder part of this whole thing. I am NOT a motivated person. I know what I should do, but putting it into action isn't my forte. So healthy eating first, and exercise once I've got a better diet down pat. Slow and steady is going to win this one.

Small changes I've made so far:
  • Replacing ice cream with sugar free yogurt when I need something sweet. This seriously knocked my caloric/fat intake down a LOT! I love ice cream.
  • Diet pop and sugar free flavored 'water'. I HATE plain water, hate it.
  • Eat breakfast! Usually Greek yogurt, my new love, with something else. I don't get as hungry during the day when I have breakfast.
  • Reducing meal portions by half and only eating a little when feel hungry. Just not overeating then feeling gross afterward.
  • Pour any snacks into a very small bowl so I don't overeat. Small bowls and plates are my new friend.
  • Realizing if I'm emotional/boredom eating or if I'm really hungry. (The hardest one to manage)
I've lost almost 5 pounds so far. I feel motivated. I know I can do this. I changed my diet almost overnight when I was gestating a child and our health was in jeopardy, and I've put those nutritional rules back in place. My health IS in jeopardy if I keep going this way! I do have to be careful because I don't have a gall bladder (past starvation dieting), and if I don't eat I end up with major gastric issues. This doesn't let me starve to lose the weight, which was always my go-to in the past to maintain things.

I am going to get back in my 'skinny-self' jeans. I won't be embarrassed to be in a swimsuit at the pool next year. I will have more energy to play with my child. I will be healthier to teach my child good eating habits. I won't hate my body anymore. So I'm putting it out there, and that ticker will be going down instead of up now that I know people will be watching! ;-)

Now:


Goal:

4 comments:

Robyn said...

Hey, do you read Shapely Prose? You totally should: http://kateharding.net/

I think you look beautiful.

Kaylen said...

I love this - it's a good affirmation for better habits and the road to your goal. Best of luck to you - I'm following you now! :)

Linda said...

I can totally relate to weight struggles. As you can see from my posts over the past few years, I never give up. I have every disease in the book in my family history so I have to be super careful.
Two tips that I'm still working on is stress management which is why it is so hard for me to lose weight...hello cortisol weight! and sleep...you can actually gain weight from lack of sleep. I know can relate to these two! Best wishes...you can do it!

Jennifer said...

Thanks everyone!

Linda, I am so screwed then just from stress and lack of sleep! That would explain a lot as well.

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