Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Facebook the Homewrecker

So I'm going out on a ledge here that it's not really news to anyone that people are cheating on their spouses with past school flames on Facebook.  Shocker!  I know.   Rekindling that old flame with a past love by catching up on the good times and sharing the problems with your current relationship.  It's easier than picking up a drunk slut in a bar, and even that would be more work than what Facebook offers.

Now, I know that a cheater is going to cheat with or without Facebook, but I'm focused on people who are breaking up a marriage for someone they reconnected with on Facebook.  The problem is that finding a past love before Facebook meant putting in some effort.  You were looking them up, finding a current name or location assuming neither had changed, or having to wait until a school reunion came up.  These days you just type in the name in Facebook and send a friend request.  Now, you have the ability to chat quietly without detection even if your spouse or children are in the same room.  For someone having a rough patch in their relationship, it's like having opportunity served on a silver platter without even getting off the couch.

Here's what's so irritating to me about this.  You would think, as a single mom, this issue doesn't affect me at all since I have no spouse to lose anymore.  But it does.  I've seen first hand a marriage crumbling from this very thing, and another hookup that brought a baby into world while the husband and wife split up.   I'm saddened by it if this is what marriage has to offer me.  I don't want to worry about or police my partner's Internet use.  It breaks my heart to know the my friends aren't the only ones this is happening to.  I do not understand it.

Granted, I do not have many high school friends on my Facebook page.  So maybe there's that disconnect for me in not being someone who just adds everyone to Facebook (or Twitter).   I do have ex-boyfriends and/or partners that I added, and I don't hit on the married ones.   Which is not to say that I have never, ever been the 'other woman' when I was young, childless, and single.  We all make choices, good and bad, sometimes.  I just can't see doing that now, especially after being divorced myself.  As a single mom, what example would that set for my son if I became a homewrecker because I wanted someone else's husband?

I only have a few people I really knew well and one ex-high school flame that got deleted for sending too many event notices.  Even when talking to him I kept thinking, "I don't know you at all.  I know the past you and it's a huge divide from the you I'm chatting with right now."  It was this strange warp of reality and past mixed together, but I had no desire to pursue him.  Interestingly, his wife and he had an arrangement that they could have 'Facebook affairs' as long as they weren't brought to real life and stayed online.  Is that a solution?

The point is when I hear about my friend's husband leaving her for a single mom on Facebook because they're 'soul mates', I get really sick inside.   Does he think he can save this woman or things will just magically be better for him?  Or was that just his way out and it makes it easier for him to leave?  When I hear about a friend's brother getting a married woman pregnant because they reconnected on Facebook, I feel discouraged.   Is marriage so easily discarded that Facebook becomes the catalyst in its breakup?  There is a huge divide between the person you knew back then and who they are now!  Can someone please explain how you leave a marriage, even a rocky one, for someone you used to love back then?  Is it a thing of grass is greener?  It's a shame, and it really sucks for the spouse left behind for a lover found on Facebook.

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