I left my heart and dreams in Arizona. I cry for what should've been and what was lost. Love, innocence and family all got swept away, much like the rains in the washes during monsoon season. I wonder if my desire to go back comes from the memories of what could've been rather that what it really was. Was I really happy as I seem to remember? Wasn't I miserable alone? Wasn't my need to stay there the reason for my unhappiness? I'll never know if the choices I made would have changed anything. I only know how things turned out in reality.
I need to go back. I need to see the Saguaro, the canyons and the desert landscape. Memories of the farmer's market in the barn and the hikes through the canyon haunt me. Will it be the same as I remember?
Sitting on my patio as the sun came up, watching and waiting for something new. The new dawn breaking with pink skies, already a comfortable 75 degrees and a cool breeze. Soon to be a scorching 100 before noon. I miss it. I miss everything.
Remembering. Needing to remember. Maybe the bad will come back with the good when I go back. Was the bad only because I was alone? My heart was left in Arizona. I don't know if I'll ever get it back.